Is your identity out of date? I was recently asked, “what does this actually mean?” Great question, and exactly what I hope you are wondering as you read this blog.
Your identity is created from information and experiences, all from the past. Because all of this is from the past, it actually may not reflect who you are today, and so, in fact, “be out of date.” I am excited to share with you a very powerful concept that has been extremely important to me—the concept of “updating” your identity.
I want to share three stories that illustrate the importance of updating who we are.
The first is about me. Not that long after our son, Timothy, was born I began to feel the distress of a gap between my picture of being a “good Mum” and how I was doing in my current reality. As the gap widened, I became more and more distressed and unhappy with myself. I even briefly went so far as to think it was my husband’s fault, but clearly this did little to alleviate my frustration. Finally, I faced the issue head on and realized I wanted to be the kind of mother my Mum had been.
My head was filled with images of all the things she did, as a stay at home mother, including sewing our clothes, baking, cooking, and all the things you’d expect from a near-perfect mother. As a working mother, I was not matching any of these “pictures.” In fact, a lot of what my Mum did, I didn’t even really enjoy—like sewing. Until I realized I needed to change my picture of what a “good” mother was, I was pretty unhappy. I needed to figure out my own “picture” of a good mother and update my file, so to speak. And let me tell you this was not that easy back in 1981.
Years later, I was teaching in Australia and a woman in my seminar shared I very touching story. Her Mum had been a very strong, robust woman who loved the outdoors and took her children on many great adventures. This woman had so many great memories that, when she herself became a mother, she told her children all about their grandmother and the adventures. I bet you can guess what’s coming… yes, the grandmother was no longer that strong, agile woman. In fact, she was crippled with arthritis and in constant pain. When her grandchildren came to visit and wanted her to play with them, she couldn’t. Rather than confess this, she got very cross with them which deeply upset her daughter and the whole family left in tears. Being in the seminar and hearing about “updating” our pictures, shone a new light on this whole situation. She realized great pain had occurred, in part because this woman had not been willing to “update” her pictures of her mother as she aged.
The last story I want to share is about a coaching client I am working with. The client’s goal is to be a successful business woman, and that includes managing her finances effectively. This has been a challenge for her, and recently she realized that she had been using old “data” from her teenage years, to colour her perceptions of herself and her financial abilities. As a grown woman she was no longer the teenager who spent her money “recklessly,” as she put it. The guilt and perhaps even shame, were no longer appropriate. Once again this shows the need to update data and how old information can have a profound effect on one’s sense of self.
So how do you do this? Well it is much easier than it was for me back in 1981. Today we have great strategies and “technology” to assist people in clearing out the old and updating the files, so to speak. But there is a huge differences between just looking at a file, or talking about it, and actually updating the information in it. Paul Johnson, who works with me says it’ like the difference between a ‘read only file’ and one you can actually edit.
In Success Beyond Beliefs we have a process that guides people in accessing the information they want to release and in effect “re-booting” the whole system. We assist people in stepping out old identities that no longer serve, and establish a new foundation that will support them in the life they truly want.
If this interests you please click on the link below for the registration details. My wish is for as many people as possible to know that it’s possible to make large, significant changes in a short period of time. Hourly counselling doesn’t fit everyone’s needs, and it is wonderful to have more options.
Next week I will be talking about “An inside Makeover” and whether or not you need one!
Have a great week and bye for now…
