Last week I wrote about transitions and what can assist us in making transitions more easily.
As I have mentioned moving is my current transition and it raises all sorts of issues—how much stuff I have, how I look at my space, (I share a house with 3 other adults) how much say I want to have in how “our” home ultimately looks, and so on.
What is fascinating whenever we make changes is how the ego comes out to play. Have you noticed this?
So how do you know if it’s your ego? Here are a few examples: You feel attached to things, to how do you want things to be, there’s a right and wrong view of things, you feel picky or prickly. All of these reflect the ego. What we all need to remember is the ego is a child, it will change on a dime, work both sides of an issue and be shameless in its desire and willingness to manipulate both you, and those around you. You must manage the ego, like a 2 year old, and not allow it be omnipotent.
So what have I noticed with my move? Well let’s start with “stuff”—books, ornaments, and the like that I want to down-size. The ego classically loves things. Let me say that again… THE EGO LOVES THINGS… and the more the better! So of course, when I go to give away things it starts to resist. First it argues for why I need something, then it switches sides to what will happen if I give it away, and if that fails, it reminds me of when I loved the object or who gave it to me. Usually after three rounds of this I am on the mat, metaphorically speaking. As I observed all this I realized that if I listen to my thoughts/ego/mind I am in trouble. Full stop.
The option I have discovered is to go on feeling. Now feelings are tricky so let me be specific. The feeling you want to focus on is joy—“Does this object bring you joy?” If you are really serious about releasing yourself from the bondage of stuff, you need to only accept full-on joy, not lukewarm happy. This truly is an opportunity for growth because believe me, I could feel the resistance to even asking the question as I held certain treasured books in my hand. Was I willing to trust myself… my “system”… and that it would know what would serve me?
What a great way to focus deeply on the trust I have in myself. Do you trust yourself to know what will serve you? Are you afraid to give things away or just give the safe, easy things that you know you won’t miss? Do you give things away and then regret it because you have not really listened to yourself?
I have a process called “Wise Decision-Making” that I use with clients that assists them in discovering their own personal, internal signal which indicates when a decision really is right for them. It is technically called the congruency signal because it only shows up when you are in full alignment with yourself, and all of you is happy. Many people don’t know what their signal is, and so they use their mind to try and figure out what is best, right, or the pros/cons of a decision. People who make decisions easily and pretty successfully have figured out their signal, whether they call it a signal or just a feeling/sense. What’s really cool about the signal is that it is not something you can “make” happen. For some people it is a shiver, or a sensation in the body or even a sound that just seems to rise within them.
So not only am transitioning into a new “home” for me and my things, I am choosing to use this as an opportunity to release stuff and have my space reflect and feel the way I want to live—in peace and flow.
As you think of transitions you have made or are in the midst of right now, are you allowing them to be easy or making them more challenging? How much is your ego running the show, and if so how do you like the results. Let me know what you are observing and we can all learn from each other…