In this final video for October, we thought it would be fun if Paul and I did a recap of the things we’ve been talking about.
As I’ve been thinking about being in the box, the thing that stands out for me is once we’ve discovered that we’re caught on the inside of the box, what SHOULD we do to move forward in a healthy, positive way? Let’s dive in a little more, and talk about what we should do once we realize that we’re in an uncomfortable situation, and things aren’t going the way we’d hoped they would. When we’re in these kinds of situations, this is when the reptilian brain kicks in and so many of us just freeze. Others will want to just run, retreating to a place or situation where they feel more comfortable or in control.
In the book The Magician’s Way, the author did a particularly good job of illustrating that when we flee from an uncomfortable situation, we close the door to any opportunities that lay on the other side of the discomfort… be they learning opportunities, personal growth, deeper relationships, or business opportunities.
Running away from these uncomfortable situations also causes us to become more and more attached, or entrenched in our own story about ourselves, our abilities, our skills, our worth or value, and the nature of the world around us. Without realizing it we have found more “evidence” to support a faulty belief that we’re not capable, or worthy, or don’t have what it takes to succeed. As the this false evidence mounts, we become more and more convinced that we simply don’t have what it takes to see ourselves through to the other side… which is usually where what we really want tends to exist.
Another evidence gathering tactic is to project out onto the other person or group of people, or the situation, some belief which limits both ourselves and them. This is the wrong-making, blaming, and criticizing that helps us to temporarily feel better about ourselves, but places us firmly in the position of “victim.” This is really nothing more than self-soothing, but does little to move us forward to finding the success we desire, or the growth we need.
So once we’ve found the stamina or courage to stand our ground and not retreat – what needs to happen next?
Rather than focusing on externals… blaming, if you will, other people or the situation… the key is to drop down into our own hearts and tap into your own sense of who and what you are. This is a reminding and refocusing on your own resourcefulness. One of the things we’ve been talking about lately is when we find ourselves in uncomfortable situations, we’re in precisely the right space to discover and reclaim our own sense of personal power, which has been hidden away. If we’ll choose to hang out in the discomfort, and press through to the other side, there is no telling what riches we’ll find which will bolster our own sense of ability and resilience.
The most difficult piece for some of us, though, is to open our hearts, come into ourselves and find our care, compassion, curiosity, and love. From that place of openness, you might ask, “If I felt totally safe in this situation, what would I be thinking or feeling? What would I like to discover, understand, or learn?” This is the place where a myriad of positive possibilities and potentials present themselves. From this vantage point we become aware of so many more potential solutions to any problem that may exist.
If the discipline of staying the course and working our way through difficult situations is something that we can learn and master, and learn to be comfortable with the discomfort, we would be so much further ahead.
Here’s the strategy:
- Stay in the uncomfortable situation… don’t become defensive, run away or shut down emotionally/cognitively
- Take a breath, go inside and find your heart, passion, creativity, or curiosity. This will allow you to begin to see what other options or learning may exist
- Move into that place of open hearted operation, and discover the treasure that’s been hidden in the midst of turmoil
We are all on this learning journey, learning how to be more and more present with situations that challenge us. We hope that this series will help you stay present in difficult situations to discover what’s on the other side… there’s gold in them ‘thar hills!