This month I have been focusing on the idea of how we get in our own way; whether we call it “in the box,” or the “circle”… and how to get ourselves out. I hope this past week you’ve had more awareness of when you’re in the box and also more times of when you aren’t.

Today I want to focus on what it’s like when you are out of the box, or the circle. For many people it feels like there is more flow and ease. You may notice your heart is more open, and you have more goodwill towards others. The more that you hang out in this energy the more you build and strengthen the neural pathways that support this way of being.

Once you are in your heart, things can really start to open up. You have the opportunity to connect with greater creativity, intuition and overall spontaneity. This way of being operates under very different “guideline” which I want to focus on.

For example, when you are in the box you will often be aware of time, the need to track it, manage it and work within its limits. Once you are out of the box, your awareness of time changes. In fact, some would say time disappears.  Have you had that experience where time just vanished, and, if so, what was going on? I will hazard a guess you were having a good time, pretty relaxed and open to whatever was happening.

Trust is another variable that shifts, depending on where we are at. It is one of the things many clients see me about. Usually the focus is on another person or situation and whether they or it, can be trusted. What people notice, when they are out of the box, is that they no longer worry about trust—and that trust is inside of them, not resting with others or externals. This is a profound shift and very freeing. How great is it to know that you can be trusting, just because you like living that way.

As your trust expands it will open more doors, and this is when you can bump into an “upper limit.” Do you have a limit on how much you are willing to trust? Do you get fearful when things are going “too well” and wonder when the shoe will drop? Or do you have a limit on how open you’re comfortable being? Do you get uncomfortable when people are too open, loving or trusting? Discomfort in these areas can be a signal that you have bumped into a limit.

I remember a long time ago watching a woman be so open and loving that it made me uncomfortable. My English/Japanese conservatism was kicking in and that was a limit for me.  I wondered what exactly made me uncomfortable and all I could come up with was that it was like I had a governor on intensity and emotionality. Above a certain limit I felt uneasy.

A third variable that can change dramatically, depending on whether you are in or out of the box, is your comfort with shinning or being in the spotlight/center of attention. The more constricted you are, the more uncomfortable it is to have the focus on you. Once you are out of the box, attention can be easy to handle and feel quite lovely. Some people feel almost indifferent about attention. They are very comfortable with it but it is not their focus or goal. Others are happy with the attention and feel quite well equipped to handle the spotlight. Have you noticed how you handle being the center of attention?

Dr. Gay Hendricks, in his book The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level, says our upper limits get set early in life and generally come from:

  1. Your family environment
  2. From an experience where you were “knocked down”
  3. From a desire to help someone else feel better, by not being too successful

Ultimately all upper limits result from limiting beliefs that fall into one of 4 categories:

  1. I am fundamentally flawed (there is something wrong with me and I can’t succeed)
  2. If I am successful I will end up alone (leaving behind friends and family)
  3. I will be a burden to others ( my success puts a greater burden on others)
  4. If I shine someone else will feel bad

Do any of these limiting beliefs ring a bell? What I love about the book is that we will face upper limits throughout our life. It is not a matter of addressing them and then they are gone. Each time we grow and expand we can bump into a new upper limit. The point isn’t to judge yourself but rather be open and curious about the new limit that has emerged.

“Upper Limiting” Behaviors

The following list of behaviors will help you recognize that you are triggering an Upper Limit. Knowing this is really helpful and you can even watch out for these behaviors and prevent the pattern of stopping or derailing yourself. Remember you can limit your success in one area by creating an issue/crisis/drama in a different part of your life. Keeping your life compartmentalized is a great way for the ego to continue to limit you undetected. Notice which behaviors resonate for you:

  • Worrying/second guessing yourself
  • Creating drama or a crisis
  • Deflecting/avoiding (deflecting praise is a great indicator of an upper limit)
  • Blaming/ criticizing
  • Getting hurt or sick

Now that you have a “pair of glasses” through which to look at your life, what upper limiting behaviors have you been using?